i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
