I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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