Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
