After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize