our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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