I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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