turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
