come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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