She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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