i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
