And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
