addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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