Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
