I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
