Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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