i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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