i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
