He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
