yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
