He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
