you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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