is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
