You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
