Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
