We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
