I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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