im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
