Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
