i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
