I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize