Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
