Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
