call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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