There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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