Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
