alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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