why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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