and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
