It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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