I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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