hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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