East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
