The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He passed out mid-signature
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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