just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize