I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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