I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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