is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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