We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
