You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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