How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
