were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
