I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
