I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
