Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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