Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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