Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
