Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
