I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize