Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
