i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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