No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
