I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
