Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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