# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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