wanna go halves on a baby?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
