The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
