That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
