Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
