if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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