as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
