i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
