Just fell off a train. Bad.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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