You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
