that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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