Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
True but thats because hes a fetus.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
