there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize