explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
