I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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