There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
