We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
