If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize