listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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