Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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