my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
