that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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