Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
my liver is dry heaving
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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