turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
