Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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