No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
