why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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