You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
