I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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