Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
